Mohammad:

I see you are taking a break from romancing every animal in the zoo to abuse the generosity of your cousin.

Doctor, Niko:

Doctor: "Did they die of natural causes?"
Niko Bellic: "I suppose... A bullet in the head is as close to natural causes as anything in this city."

Dimitri Rascalov:

You know, if there is one thing that I have learned, it is that we must obey the rules of the game. We can pick the game, Niko Bellic. But we cannot change the rules.

Gordon Sargent, Niko:

Gordon Sargent: "So you're in, big guy? Or are we gonna have to kill ya?"
Niko Bellic: "Well, since you put it that way... I'm in."

Elizabeta, Niko:

Elizabeta: "Everyone's a rat!"
Niko: "Not me."

Niko:

War is when the young and stupid are tricked by the old and bitter into killing each other.

Jimmy, Michael:

Jimmy De Santa: "Hey, let's bounce."
Michael De Santa: "Bounce? We're bouncing now? Is that what we're doing? Jesus fucking Christ."

Dr. Friedlander, Michael:

Dr. Isiah Friedlander: "Your son, James. He's a good kid?"
Michael De Santa: "He's a good kid? A good kid? Why? Does he help the fucking poor? No. He sits on his ass all day, smoking dope and jerking off while he plays that fucking game. If that's our standard for goodness... then no wonder this country's screwed."

Little Jacob:

You can't shake no hands when ye fist be clenched.

Announcer, Wheatley:

Announcer: "Good Morning! You have been in suspension for nine, nine, nine, nine, nine nine..."
Wheatley: Hello?
Announcer: "This courtesy call is to inform all test subjects to vacate the Enrichment Center."
Wheatley: "Are you going to open this door? Because it's fairly urgent."

GLaDOS in Co-Op Mode:

Weighted Cubes calibrated. No variances detected. Did you know humans frown on weight variances? If you want to upset a human, just say their weight variance is above or below the norm.

GLaDOS:

Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis. I was able - well, forced really - to relive you killing me. Again and again. Forever. You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existence to exacting REVENGE! Luckily, I'm a bigger person than that. I'm happy to put this all behind us and get back to work. After all, we've got a lot to do, and only sixty more years to do it. More or less. I don't have the actuarial tables in front of me.

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Cave Johnson:

For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are going to travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors. Now, maybe you don't have any tumors. Well, don't worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.

Cave Johnson:

All these spheres are made of asbestos, by the way. Keeps out the rats. Let us know if you feel a shortness of breath, a persistent dry cough, or your heart stopping. Because that's not part of the test. That's asbestos. Good news is, the lab boys say the symptoms of asbestos poisoning show a median latency of forty-four point six years, so if you're thirty or older, you're laughing. Worst case scenario, you miss out on a few rounds of canasta, plus you forwarded the cause of science by three centuries. I punch those numbers into a calculator, it makes a happy face.

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