Michael: Well, I had to. To protect you.
Jimmy: Yeah, keep telling yourself that, when you see their faces every time you close your eyes. Here we are. The bike rental place. Please don't shoot the bike rental guy out of, like, force of habit.

Maybe if you got rid of that old Yee-Yee ass haircut you got you’d get some bitches on your dick.

Now go! I need to meditate. Or masturbate. Or both.

Floyd: You gotta go, both of you. My girlfriend, she'd kill me if she knew I had guests.
Trevor: Not much of a girlfriend if she don't like your family. Now would you get me a fucking drink? I'm not gonna ask you again!

Trevor: You know what truckers do?
Lamar: Cut up women and get other dudes to jack 'em off?