But with this guy, it might have cost me some bad burns or an ass-rape. I'm all for risking my life, but I'm a little sensitive about asshole.

Did you know you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the Aperture Science Self Esteem Fund for Girls? It's true!

Nothing is more badass than treating a woman with respect.

Look at me. I'm cranked on speed most of the time, but I'm productivity personified.

Cave Johnson: Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science. You might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 senate hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented - but that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt-...

Caroline: Sir, the testing?

Cave Johnson: Right. Now, you might be asking yourself, "Cave, just how difficult are these tests? What was in that phonebook of a contract I signed? Am I in danger?" Let me answer those questions with a question. Who wants to make sixty dollars? Cash. You can also feel free to relax for up to twenty minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you. So! Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.