That thing you burned up isn't important to me; it's the fluid catalytic cracking unit. It makes shoes for orphans... nice job breaking it, hero.

When I said "deadly neurotoxin," the "deadly" was in massive sarcasm quotes. I could take a bath in this stuff. Put it on cereal, rub it right into my eyes. Honestly, it's not deadly at all... to me. You, on the other hand, are going to find its deadliness... a lot less funny.

Due to mandatory scheduled maintenance, the next test is currently unavailable. It has been replaced with a live-fire course designed for military androids. The Enrichment Center apologizes and wishes you the best of luck.

This was a triumph! I'm making a note here: Huge Success. It's hard to overstate my satisfaction. Aperture Science - we do what we must because we can. For the good of all of us, except the ones who are dead. But there's no sense crying over every mistake. You just keep on trying till you run out of cake. And the science gets done. And you make a neat gun. For the people who are still alive. I'm not even angry. I'm being most sincere right now. Even though you broke my heart and killed me. And tore me to pieces. And threw every piece into a fire. As they burned, it hurt because I was so happy for you. Now these points of data make a beautiful line. And we're out of beta; we're releasing on time. So I'm GLaD I got burned. Think of all the things we learned. For the people who are still alive. Go ahead and leave me. I think I prefer to stay inside. Maybe you'll find someone else to help you. Maybe Black Mesa. That was a joke - Ha Ha! Fat Chance! Anyway, this cake is great. It's so delicious and moist. Look at me still talking when there's science to do. When I look out there, it makes me GLaD I'm not you. I've experiments to run. There is research to be done. On the people who are still alive. And, believe me, I'm still alive! I'm doing science and I'm still alive! I feel FANTASTIC and I'm still alive! While you're dying, I'll be still alive! And when you're dead, I will be still alive! Still Alive! Still Alive...

Do you think I'm trying to trick you with reverse psychology? I mean, seriously, now.