You are kidding me. Did you just stuff that Aperture Science thing-we-don't-know-what-it-does into an Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator?

Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: "A horrible person." We weren't even testing for that. Don't let that horrible-person thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.

Nobody's dick is that long, not even Long Dick Johnson, and he had a fucking long dick. Thus, the name.

Some believe uncertainty is an evil that should be dispelled through divination. Others claim it's change that is evil. But that isn't true either. Every minute of every day, we each become someone new. We shouldn't fear change itself, but only who we might change into. Knowing one's path is moth important.

Science cannot tell us everything. But it does separate humankind from beasts and music enthusiasts.