Eddie's got two tickets to paradise, and I do too... In my pants.

CJ: Can you shoot?
The Truth: Kid, I'm a hippie. The only thing I've shot is acid. I did see a guy snort it once though. Thought his nose was a kangaroo and the moon was a dog!

Sweet Johnson: You're dressed like a hooker!
Kendl: You two would know what a hooker looks like.
Carl Johnson: You say that like it's a bad thing.

Does a polar bear shit in the woods?

CJ: Does the Pope shit in the woods?
Cesar: Why you always saying that? I already told you. Where the holiness does his business, is his business.