When I said "deadly neurotoxin," the "deadly" was in massive sarcasm quotes. I could take a bath in this stuff. Put it on cereal, rub it right into my eyes. Honestly, it's not deadly at all... to me. You, on the other hand, are going to find its deadliness... a lot less funny.

Did you know you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the Aperture Science Self Esteem Fund for Girls? It's true!

As part of a required Enrichment Center protocol, the previous statement that we would not monitor the test area was a complete fabrication. We will stop enhancing the truth in three... two... zzzt

Momentum, a function of mass and velocity, is conserved between portals. In layman's terms, speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out.

We are pleased that you made it through the final challenge where we pretended we were going to murder you. We are very very happy for your success. We are throwing a party in honor of your tremendous success. Place the device on the ground, then lie on your stomach with your arms at your sides. A party associate will arrive shortly to collect you for your party. Make no further attempt to leave the testing area. Assume the Party Escort Submission Position, or you will miss the party.