Some trees flourish, others die. Some cattle grow strong, others are taken by wolves. Some men are born rich enough and dumb enough to enjoy their lives. Ain't nothing fair. You know that.

We all need friends, old timer. We die alone, but we live among men.

If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush.

The wind's gettin' a bit choppy. You can compensate for it, or you can wait it out, but he might leave before it dies down. It's your call. Remember what I've taught you. Keep in mind variable humidity and wind speed along the bullet's flight path. At this distance you'll also have to take the Coriolis Effect into account.

Mark my words: When these hands are crushing your throat, your dying breath won't be an appeal to God or a message of love to your family. It'll be, "Thank you, Killbane."

Male: You wanna fight the best, you fight me.
Eddie Pryor: The best? The best is beating Sway the Spider-God in a Tijuana Scaffold Match. The best is defending the world title 13 times in one night. The best is winning a last man standing match with two broken legs... Trust me, little Icarus: you're flying too close to the sun.

I know you think I'm just a mindless recording. I'm programmed to repeat silly bits of patter while you drive around and murder people in this video game, right? Look, maybe that's true. Maybe it's true... but I got a question; how independent are YOU? Turning the tables is what I'm doing here. You think you have free will, but really you're just doing what the game tells you to do. How much control do you really have over your own life? I mean, think about it, this is what you do. Take a look, man... you sit around all day playing a video game and listening to fake radio stations. What are you doing with your life? Don't you want to get a girlfriend and maybe learn something new? Surprise us. Take a class, get a skill... we already know you can punch buttons and pull your pud! C'mon, man!

The last time a big naked dude said he could help me, it did not end well.

Before you I place a choice. Walk through the blue door and continue to face yet more failures at saving those closest to you. Your race will live on borrowed time and will, through your violent arrogance, wind up extinct. Walk through the red door, however, and I will release the humans whom I have collected. I will give them amnesty and even a ship from my fleet to do with as they see fit. However, in choosing this door, you will willingly submit yourself to execution. This is the moment where you can prove to be the savior of humanity, or its absolute destroyer.

I have been to the other side. I have been there and it's incredible. They have flying elephants. They have men made out of chocolate. They have pizzas as big as the city. They have a prize for the a person with the biggest heart, not the biggest wallet.

Hey, hey, you gotta listen to me, you gotta hear me, are you listening? It's not real man! It's a lie, it's all lies. The government lies to us. They put robots in the drinking water, they put spies in the toilets - to watch us! You think it's a joke, the joke's on you, they're killing you! You are being harvested by a marketing machine! You're not free, you're slaves! Freedom is a lie! They use drugs to control you, they did it to me for a long time. You need love! I need you, you need me, I love you! Love me back!

This town is startin' to make me angry; angry and alone. And broke. Man, it's expensive to live here! Time for some commercials to refill the coffers. I've got a yoga bill like a motherfucker!

Brucie: Nicky, we gotta get serious.
Niko: All right man. If you want my advice, the only way you're going to get your balls back to normal is if you stop juicing or get implants.

United Liberty Paper: You think I don't know that? You think I've been sitting around scratching my balls with my head up my ass?
Niko: I'd be impressed if you had been.

Patrick McReary: What do ya think of Niko, Gracie?
Gracie Ancelotti: Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.
Patrick McReary: Gracie, you're sweet.