Fine, I guess I'll just stay here and eat dirt or whatever.

Enjoy myself? There's a worm in my brain, I'm surrounded by idiots, and all I've got to drink is wine that tastes like vinegar.

Kiss my arse. I'm the Lord of Murder - I'll show you why.

I love this time of year. The dickheads start popping up.

Let's see. I hail from Waterdeep, the City of Splendours. I'm a wizard of considerable acclaim and scholar of exceptional accomplishment. I have a cat, a library and a weakness for a good glass of wine. And if the mood takes me I'm known to try my hand at poetry.