United Liberty Paper: You think I don't know that? You think I've been sitting around scratching my balls with my head up my ass?
Niko: I'd be impressed if you had been.

Gordon Sargent: So you're in, big guy? Or are we gonna have to kill ya?
Niko Bellic: Well, since you put it that way... I'm in.

Niko, let's go bowling.

Yeah, I've never dated a foreign guy before - a lot from another planet, but none from another country.

Brucie: Nicky, we gotta get serious.
Niko: All right man. If you want my advice, the only way you're going to get your balls back to normal is if you stop juicing or get implants.