Money talks. Money say jump, cat say how high.

Yeah, I've never dated a foreign guy before - a lot from another planet, but none from another country.

Niko: What is he talking about?
Roman: Brucie's a dreamer... he understands my vision.
Niko: Oh, so he's an idiot?

We won't see him again. The only thing that will hold him down is six feet of dirt.

Roman: America is an opportunity for a new beginning. You were in need of one.
Niko: There is no such thing as a new beginning, Roman. With every day we live we pick up new baggage, baggage that we must carry with us for the rest of our lifes. There's no dropping it and pretending we are fresh and clean just because we got off a boat in a new place.

Vlad: What's your name again?
Niko: Big mouth prick.

Roman: Just like the old days, eh?
Niko: In the old days we were dodging bombs, not loan sharks.

The FIB? Do I look homosexual? Do you think I care about the size of your Johnson? Now... you can't always tell who the good guys are. I'm not a good guy. But I'm fighting with them, and guess what? So are you.

I have been to the other side. I have been there and it's incredible. They have flying elephants. They have men made out of chocolate. They have pizzas as big as the city. They have a prize for the a person with the biggest heart, not the biggest wallet.

Hey, hey, you gotta listen to me, you gotta hear me, are you listening? It's not real man! It's a lie, it's all lies. The government lies to us. They put robots in the drinking water, they put spies in the toilets - to watch us! You think it's a joke, the joke's on you, they're killing you! You are being harvested by a marketing machine! You're not free, you're slaves! Freedom is a lie! They use drugs to control you, they did it to me for a long time. You need love! I need you, you need me, I love you! Love me back!

This town is startin' to make me angry; angry and alone. And broke. Man, it's expensive to live here! Time for some commercials to refill the coffers. I've got a yoga bill like a motherfucker!

Brucie: Nicky, we gotta get serious.
Niko: All right man. If you want my advice, the only way you're going to get your balls back to normal is if you stop juicing or get implants.

United Liberty Paper: You think I don't know that? You think I've been sitting around scratching my balls with my head up my ass?
Niko: I'd be impressed if you had been.

Patrick McReary: What do ya think of Niko, Gracie?
Gracie Ancelotti: Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.
Patrick McReary: Gracie, you're sweet.

Dimitri Rascalov: I want to buy you a present.
Niko: Will you wrap it up and put a pretty bow on it?