Floyd: You gotta go, both of you. My girlfriend, she'd kill me if she knew I had guests.
Trevor: Not much of a girlfriend if she don't like your family. Now would you get me a fucking drink? I'm not gonna ask you again!

Steve Haines: The problem with this job is I only get to know the criminals who are dumb enough to get themselves caught.
Michael: Only I didn't get myself caught. Remember? I turned myself in.
Steve Haines: That makes you doubly dumb.

I’m not stoned at all. Hell no, not at all. Completely not stoned. I’m completely not stoned. I’m straight. Completely straight. I could do anything. Shitt, I could be a brain surgeon. Brain surgery, I could do that. Uhh, I shoulda been a surgeon. That’s what I shoulda been…

Dr. Isiah Friedlander: Your son, James. He's a good kid?
Michael De Santa: He's a good kid? A good kid? Why? Does he help the fucking poor? No. He sits on his ass all day, smoking dope and jerking off while he plays that fucking game. If that's our standard for goodness... then no wonder this country's screwed.

Maybe if you got rid of that old Yee-Yee ass haircut you got you’d get some bitches on your dick.