Gordon Sargent: So you're in, big guy? Or are we gonna have to kill ya?
Niko Bellic: Well, since you put it that way... I'm in.

Hey, hey, you gotta listen to me, you gotta hear me, are you listening? It's not real man! It's a lie, it's all lies. The government lies to us. They put robots in the drinking water, they put spies in the toilets - to watch us! You think it's a joke, the joke's on you, they're killing you! You are being harvested by a marketing machine! You're not free, you're slaves! Freedom is a lie! They use drugs to control you, they did it to me for a long time. You need love! I need you, you need me, I love you! Love me back!

I have been to the other side. I have been there and it's incredible. They have flying elephants. They have men made out of chocolate. They have pizzas as big as the city. They have a prize for the a person with the biggest heart, not the biggest wallet.

Brucie: Nicky, we gotta get serious.
Niko: All right man. If you want my advice, the only way you're going to get your balls back to normal is if you stop juicing or get implants.

Patrick McReary: What do ya think of Niko, Gracie?
Gracie Ancelotti: Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.
Patrick McReary: Gracie, you're sweet.