The Mechanist instructed me to seek out and help the people of the Commonwealth. By my calculations, the easiest way to help a human is simply to destroy it. There's no point in prolonging a laughably fragile life.

Carl Johnson: Oh shit! Where you get this?
Cesar: Same place I got my pants, homes. This is America, man!

You know, I gotta come up with a title for you -- a rank, maybe. Somethin' to differentiate you from the other Slabs. How about... Super-Badass? Or, no, wait... Lord of Asskickery? I dunno. Somethin'll come to me.

We impose order on the chaos of organic evolution. You exist because we allow it, and you will end because we demand it.

We get dirty, and the world stays clean. That's the mission.

Communism is the very definition of failure.

We're made up of thousands of parts with thousands of functions all working in tandem to keep us alive. Yet if only one part of our imperfect machine fails, life fails. It makes one realize how fragile... how flawed we are...

I've got some advice about getting covered in the propulsion gel.... do not get covered in the propulsion gel.

Only death awaits you all.

The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world. So, wake up, Mister Freeman. Wake up and... smell the ashes...

Announcer: Good Morning! You have been in suspension for nine, nine, nine, nine, nine nine...
Wheatley: Hello?
Announcer: This courtesy call is to inform all test subjects to vacate the Enrichment Center.
Wheatley: Are you going to open this door? Because it's fairly urgent.

Stand in the ashes of a trillion dead souls and ask the ghosts if honor matters. Their silence is your answer.

This town is startin' to make me angry; angry and alone. And broke. Man, it's expensive to live here! Time for some commercials to refill the coffers. I've got a yoga bill like a motherfucker!

Men are born, and then they're formed.