CJ: You do know that I'm black, right? And not Chinese?
Woozie: I'm blind, Carl... not stupid.

Eddie's got two tickets to paradise, and I do too... In my pants.

CJ: Does the Pope shit in the woods?
Cesar: Why you always saying that? I already told you. Where the holiness does his business, is his business.

Grove Street. Home. At least it used to be until I fucked everything up.

Carl Johnson: Oh shit! Where you get this?
Cesar: Same place I got my pants, homes. This is America, man!

Catalina: Are you going to fight for my love?
CJ: No. I can take rejection.

Sweet Johnson: You're dressed like a hooker!
Kendl: You two would know what a hooker looks like.
Carl Johnson: You say that like it's a bad thing.

CJ: Can you shoot?
The Truth: Kid, I'm a hippie. The only thing I've shot is acid. I did see a guy snort it once though. Thought his nose was a kangaroo and the moon was a dog!

We get dirty, and the world stays clean. That's the mission.

There's a simplicity to war. Attacking is the only secret. Dare—and the world yields. How quickly they forget that all it takes to change the course of history...is the will of a single man.

There's a clocktower in Hereford where the names of the dead are inscribed. We try to honor their deeds, even as their faces fade from our memory. Those memories are all that's left, when the bastards have taken everything else.

What you taught me to do: kill 'em all.

Your world as you knew it is gone. How far would you go to bring it back? Shepherd created a war, but only we knew the truth.

The life you knew before is gone. Today, we fight to bring it back.

Your moves are miscalculated, and underestimating your enemies—your biggest mistake. You will find the will of a single man can be broken.

When you see Claptrap next, please let him know that none of my laboratory equipment has any interest in him romantically.

Science cannot tell us everything. But it does separate humankind from beasts and music enthusiasts.

Oh, you're here. Awesome. Zer0, let them in. Zer0? You here buddy? Open up the door. Great, now Zer0's missing. I guess I'll buzz you in myself, since the CEO has to do ALL the work around here!

Hi, you've reached Rhys Strongfork, CEO and wartime general of Atlas corporation. Quick question: who the hell is this and how did you get on my secure line?!

You know, I gotta come up with a title for you -- a rank, maybe. Somethin' to differentiate you from the other Slabs. How about... Super-Badass? Or, no, wait... Lord of Asskickery? I dunno. Somethin'll come to me.

Man, I haven't been to Sanctuary since Roland kicked my ass out a few years back. It's lookin' nice. From where we're standin', you can see the spot where I ripped that snitch in half. Looks like they did a pretty good job cleanin' up the blood.

Of all my Slabs, I gotta say, you're the least insane. Wish I coulda formed an army to fight Jack that didn't consist of lunatics and idiots, but hey. You play the cards you're dealt. Most of my cards just happen to have blood on 'em.

Can't think of anything I want dead right now. I'm sure I'll think of somethin', though.

UWULR HUWURR UWAARRRLARLRRLWAAA!

Opening up a finely aged cask of whoop-ass.