I was programmed to be helpful and answer any questions I was asked. I guess nobody bothered to restrict who I answer questions for.
That was probably pretty dumb, huh?

You are approached by a frenzied Vault scientist, who yells, "I'm going to put my quantum harmonizer in your photonic resonation chamber!"

Niko, let's go bowling.

War.. war never changes.

How about I read you a story? Once upon a time there were three little pigs. I'm emphasising the past tense because they all died. Just like you will. I really like the story.

Communism is the very definition of failure.

Death is a preferable alternative to communism.

Democracy is non-negotiable.

I've got some advice about getting covered in the propulsion gel.... do not get covered in the propulsion gel.

All these science spheres are made of asbestos by the way, keeps out the rats. Let us know if you feel a shortness of breathe, a persistent dry cough or your heart stopping, because that's not part of the test. That's asbestos.

Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.

The police are asking citizens to be alert and mistrustful of anyone who doesn't look like them.

Chinese people – who wants to get killed in our movie?

That girl is beat up from the feet up.

It was crazy as hell. He must've been tweaking. I know I am. You got a washing machine I could take apart?

GTA, pretty much the same as the last game.

Have you read the manual for this thing?

Stop it! You're ruining my yoga!

Yoga unifies the mind and body while freeing you from the limitations of dignity and self-respect. It's a work out, a philosophy, and a metaphor all rolled into one. It is everything. It is nothing. Be. Be nothing.

Redwood Cigarettes: great for when you're resting in the hospital, playing tennis, or jogging.

Trevor: Well, hello there beautiful. Here, (hands over money) go buy yourself something nice.
Aunt: This is seven dollars?!?!
Trevor: I said something nice, not something expensive…!

She looks like a bloodhound in front of a wind mill.

Maybe if you got rid of that old Yee-Yee ass haircut you got you’d get some bitches on your dick.

I’m not stoned at all. Hell no, not at all. Completely not stoned. I’m completely not stoned. I’m straight. Completely straight. I could do anything. Shitt, I could be a brain surgeon. Brain surgery, I could do that. Uhh, I shoulda been a surgeon. That’s what I shoulda been…

Now go! I need to meditate. Or masturbate. Or both.