Why is it whenever someone says "with all due respect", they really mean "kiss my ass"?

Sharon spilled coffee on my new shirt while we were in the lounge this morning. I told her it was fine and we had a good laugh about the whole thing. If she does it again I'll stab her in the fucking throat with my pen.
She's a good kid.

I survived because the fire inside me burned brighter than the fire around me.

Player: I'm going to replace all your memories with pictures of cats. Meow.
DiMA: Well, I suppose that would certainly make remembering some of my darker hours more... fuzzy.

Commie ghosts what don't know they're dead. Hoping to steal our rockets so they can fly up and paint the moon pink and draw a Lenin face on it.

It's said war - war never changes. Men do, through the roads they walk. And this road... has reached its end.

The curse of much knowledge is often indecision.

Everything here is meant to kill at your discretion. Except for me. I only kill when I want to.

I've got a weapon for every situation. Hunting, protection, cold blooded murder, HOT blooded murder.

Each weapon tested on someone who deserved it.

Anything that can kill a man, I sell. Except suicidal depression.That is unfortunately not packageable.

One of the joys of top notch taste receptors is getting to enjoy the full flavour without the nasty hangover.

The past, the present and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.

Even at the worst of times, things aren't so bad when you're around, sir/mum.

This is all much more exciting than domestic life I assure you!