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Featured Game: Cyberpunk 2077

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Cave Johnson:

The lab boys just informed me that I should not have mentioned the control group. They're telling me I oughta stop making these prerecorded messages. That gave me an idea - make more prerecorded messages! I pay the bills here; I can talk about the control group all damn day.

Wheatley:

Jump! Actually, looking at it, that's quite a distance, isn't it? You know what? Go ahead and jump. You've got braces on your legs. No braces on your arms, though. Gonna have to rely on the old human strength to keep a grip on the device and, by extension, me. So do. Do make sure to maintain a grip. Also, a note: no braces on your spine, either, so don't land on that. Or your head. No braces there. That could split like a melon from this height.

Nervous laugh

Do definitely focus on landing with your legs.

Fact Core:

Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.

Fact Core:

During the Great Depression, the Tennessee Valley Authority outlawed pet rabbits, forcing many to hot glue-gun long ears onto their pet mice.

Fact Core:

The square root of rope is string.

GLaDOS:

You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge. You think I'll betray you. And on any other day, you'd be right. The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying... because for the first time it's my voice! I'm being serious. I think there's something really wrong with me!

Announcer:

If the rules of physics no longer apply in the future, then god help you.

Announcer:

If the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from space-debris DOES NOT appear to be a deliberate part of the test.

GLaDOS:

As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it's perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange, you are doing very well.

GLaDOS in Co-Op Mode:

The two of you have formed an excellent partnership, with one of you handling the cerebral challenges and the other ready to ponderously waddle into action should the test suddenly become an eating contest.

Adventure Core "Rick":

I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything - karate, larate, jiu jitsu, kick punching, belt making, tae kwon do, bedroom.

Announcer:

This next test is very dangerous. To help you remain tranquil in the face of almost certain death, smooth jazz will be deployed, in three, two, one.

Smooth Jazz music plays for ten seconds and then dies out electronically

Wheatley:

Okay, almost there. On the other side of that wall is one of the old testing tracks. There's a piece of equipment in there we're gonna need to get out of here. I think this is a docking station. Get ready...

smashes into wall

Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!

smashes into wall, again

GLaDOS:

Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him.

Wheatley:

You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them.

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English Quotes 577
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