I see you are taking a break from romancing every animal in the zoo to abuse the generosity of your cousin.

Hey, hey, you gotta listen to me, you gotta hear me, are you listening? It's not real man! It's a lie, it's all lies. The government lies to us. They put robots in the drinking water, they put spies in the toilets - to watch us! You think it's a joke, the joke's on you, they're killing you! You are being harvested by a marketing machine! You're not free, you're slaves! Freedom is a lie! They use drugs to control you, they did it to me for a long time. You need love! I need you, you need me, I love you! Love me back!

United Liberty Paper: You think I don't know that? You think I've been sitting around scratching my balls with my head up my ass?
Niko: I'd be impressed if you had been.

Patrick McReary: What do ya think of Niko, Gracie?
Gracie Ancelotti: Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.
Patrick McReary: Gracie, you're sweet.

Dimitri Rascalov: I want to buy you a present.
Niko: Will you wrap it up and put a pretty bow on it?

Doctor: Did they die of natural causes?
Niko Bellic: I suppose... A bullet in the head is as close to natural causes as anything in this city.

Gordon Sargent: So you're in, big guy? Or are we gonna have to kill ya?
Niko Bellic: Well, since you put it that way... I'm in.

Elizabeta: Everyone's a rat!
Niko: Not me.

Jimmy De Santa: Hey, let's bounce.
Michael De Santa: Bounce? We're bouncing now? Is that what we're doing? Jesus fucking Christ.

We all need friends, old timer. We die alone, but we live among men.

I just know that there are two theories when arguing with women. And neither one works.

I have no interests in cooked flesh. The chef’s life is not for me.

Opening up a finely aged cask of whoop-ass.

UWULR HUWURR UWAARRRLARLRRLWAAA!

Can't think of anything I want dead right now. I'm sure I'll think of somethin', though.