Some emergency testing may require prolonged interaction with lethal military androids. Rest assured that all lethal military androids have been taught to read and provided with one copy of the Laws of Robotics. To share.

All these spheres are made of asbestos, by the way. Keeps out the rats. Let us know if you feel a shortness of breath, a persistent dry cough, or your heart stopping. Because that's not part of the test. That's asbestos. Good news is, the lab boys say the symptoms of asbestos poisoning show a median latency of forty-four point six years, so if you're thirty or older, you're laughing. Worst case scenario, you miss out on a few rounds of canasta, plus you forwarded the cause of science by three centuries. I punch those numbers into a calculator, it makes a happy face.

Some days, you are the Hunt; some days, you are the hunted.

Cave Johnson: As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests. We're not going to release this stuff into the wild until it's good and damn ready, so as long as you keep yourself in top physical form, there will always be a limo waiting for you. Say goodbye, Caroline.
Caroline: Goodbye, Caroline!
Cave Johnson: She is a gem.

Drunkard: "I know you!"
Cole: "No, you don't."

Weighted Cubes calibrated. No variances detected. Did you know humans frown on weight variances? If you want to upset a human, just say their weight variance is above or below the norm.

You know, if there is one thing that I have learned, it is that we must obey the rules of the game. We can pick the game, Niko Bellic. But we cannot change the rules.

I suck at life, but I bowl like an angel.

I see you are taking a break from romancing every animal in the zoo to abuse the generosity of your cousin.

Hey, hey, you gotta listen to me, you gotta hear me, are you listening? It's not real man! It's a lie, it's all lies. The government lies to us. They put robots in the drinking water, they put spies in the toilets - to watch us! You think it's a joke, the joke's on you, they're killing you! You are being harvested by a marketing machine! You're not free, you're slaves! Freedom is a lie! They use drugs to control you, they did it to me for a long time. You need love! I need you, you need me, I love you! Love me back!

United Liberty Paper: You think I don't know that? You think I've been sitting around scratching my balls with my head up my ass?
Niko: I'd be impressed if you had been.

Patrick McReary: What do ya think of Niko, Gracie?
Gracie Ancelotti: Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.
Patrick McReary: Gracie, you're sweet.

Dimitri Rascalov: I want to buy you a present.
Niko: Will you wrap it up and put a pretty bow on it?

Doctor: Did they die of natural causes?
Niko Bellic: I suppose... A bullet in the head is as close to natural causes as anything in this city.

Gordon Sargent: So you're in, big guy? Or are we gonna have to kill ya?
Niko Bellic: Well, since you put it that way... I'm in.