The Mechanist instructed me to seek out and help the people of the Commonwealth. By my calculations, the easiest way to help a human is simply to destroy it. There's no point in prolonging a laughably fragile life.

I've been to hell and back, and back to hell…and back.

Ah shit, here we go again.

I'll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda.

I'm a well-dressed maniac!

Woozie: One's a fake.
CJ: That's amazing. You didn't even touch them.
Woozie: No. I just took a guess. Why else would he come in with two chips and sound so worried?

Does a polar bear shit in the woods?

CJ: You do know that I'm black, right? And not Chinese?
Woozie: I'm blind, Carl... not stupid.

Eddie's got two tickets to paradise, and I do too... In my pants.

CJ: Does the Pope shit in the woods?
Cesar: Why you always saying that? I already told you. Where the holiness does his business, is his business.

Grove Street. Home. At least it used to be until I fucked everything up.

Carl Johnson: Oh shit! Where you get this?
Cesar: Same place I got my pants, homes. This is America, man!

Catalina: Are you going to fight for my love?
CJ: No. I can take rejection.

Sweet Johnson: You're dressed like a hooker!
Kendl: You two would know what a hooker looks like.
Carl Johnson: You say that like it's a bad thing.

CJ: Can you shoot?
The Truth: Kid, I'm a hippie. The only thing I've shot is acid. I did see a guy snort it once though. Thought his nose was a kangaroo and the moon was a dog!

We get dirty, and the world stays clean. That's the mission.

There's a simplicity to war. Attacking is the only secret. Dare—and the world yields. How quickly they forget that all it takes to change the course of history...is the will of a single man.

There's a clocktower in Hereford where the names of the dead are inscribed. We try to honor their deeds, even as their faces fade from our memory. Those memories are all that's left, when the bastards have taken everything else.

What you taught me to do: kill 'em all.

Your world as you knew it is gone. How far would you go to bring it back? Shepherd created a war, but only we knew the truth.

The life you knew before is gone. Today, we fight to bring it back.

Your moves are miscalculated, and underestimating your enemies—your biggest mistake. You will find the will of a single man can be broken.

When you see Claptrap next, please let him know that none of my laboratory equipment has any interest in him romantically.

Science cannot tell us everything. But it does separate humankind from beasts and music enthusiasts.

Oh, you're here. Awesome. Zer0, let them in. Zer0? You here buddy? Open up the door. Great, now Zer0's missing. I guess I'll buzz you in myself, since the CEO has to do ALL the work around here!