Michael: Come back, we'll order pizza.
Trevor: Fuck you! Fuck your pizza. Fuck everything it stands for!

Trevor: So, we ready to go on this?
Wade: Yep, although Floyd don't think it's a good idea meetin' at the condo...
Trevor: Tell Floyd it's a great idea to meet at the condo, and tell him we'll need chips and dip and prostitutes.

Floyd: Wade, I heard you was off smoking meth somewhere.
Trevor: No, not somewhere, here. He's gonna smoke meth here. Get me a fucking lighter.
Floyd: You can't smoke here.
Trevor: Okay.

Floyd: You gotta go, both of you. My girlfriend, she'd kill me if she knew I had guests.
Trevor: Not much of a girlfriend if she don't like your family. Now would you get me a fucking drink? I'm not gonna ask you again!

We are about to put the Darwinism back in Social Darwinism, and brother, it's gonna be fun.

You're back, man. WE are back. All we gotta do is bust out Brad and then we're golden, man! Franklin, he makes us multicultural. Lester makes it cyber. We're like modern America. We just get ourselves a gay friend, and BAM!

Michael: It feels like I'm giving a colonoscopy to the Statue of Happiness.
Steve Haines: Nice change from being up Trevor Phillips' ass all day.

Steve Haines: The problem with this job is I only get to know the criminals who are dumb enough to get themselves caught.
Michael: Only I didn't get myself caught. Remember? I turned myself in.
Steve Haines: That makes you doubly dumb.

We shootin' shit up? Sprayin' some motherfuckers? I can drive-by with the best of'em.

Trevor: You know, Franklin, if there's one thing that you're gonna learn from being around us...
Michael: Plead fuckin' insanity. Then they can't fry ya.

Lamar: The fucker got fucked. He fucked the fucker himself.
Trevor: Shut up.

Michael: It's a foolish man who builds his house in sand, baby.
Franklin: I don't think my boy Matthew was thinking trucks when he wrote that shit.

They damaged my stuff. They smash up my home. Damage my soul. Look at this... This, this, this, this statue here of Impotent Rage. This fucking meant more to me than Johnny K meant to anyone! And they smashed it! Those pathetic, midlife crisis, hog-riding, shaven-headed, fruity leather-chap-wearing fucking assholes!

Franklin: We're finna risk our lives to rob some motherfucking government killers again?
Michael: Yup.

Michael: Alright... the fuck is this bullshit? We handled your little immigration problem or whatever the fuck it was. We're straight.
Steve Haines: Oh absolutely... yeah, yeah. You killed people, you tortured people, committed a litany of other crimes... Oh we're so straight you and me, we're arrows.