Maybe if you got rid of that old Yee-Yee ass haircut you got you’d get some bitches on your dick.

I’m not stoned at all. Hell no, not at all. Completely not stoned. I’m completely not stoned. I’m straight. Completely straight. I could do anything. Shitt, I could be a brain surgeon. Brain surgery, I could do that. Uhh, I shoulda been a surgeon. That’s what I shoulda been…

Now go! I need to meditate. Or masturbate. Or both.

Vote YES to proposition 208 and legalize medical Cocaine.

I think that I would recognize my own underwear, now give them back!

Look, I Love You Jimmy, But You’re An A**hole.

Remember To Turn Off Your Cell Phones, And Please Don’t Masturbate.

What's true and what IS, aren't always the same.

I realize now that it will take time, that the road ahead is long and shrouded in darkness. It is a road that will not always take me where I wish to go and I doubt I will live to see its end, but I will travel down it, nonetheless. For at my side walks hope in the face of all that insists I turn back, I carry on and this...this is my compromise.

There's always a man. There's always a lighthouse There's always a city.

Everybody that I have cared about has either died or left me, everybody fucking except for you, so don't tell me I'd be more safe with someone else because the truth is I would just be more scared

All right, I've been thinking, when life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade! Make life take the lemons back! Get Mad! I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man whose gonna burn your house down - with the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that'll burn your house down!

You can't break a man the way you break a dog or a horse. The harder you beat a man, the taller he stands.

Do you remember, Snake? The feel of battle. The clashing of bone and sinew!

Did I ever tell you what the definition of insanity is? Insanity is doing the exact... same fucking thing... over and over again expecting... shit to change... That. Is. Crazy.

There are two kinds of people: ones that are trying to build their future and ones that are trying to rebuild their past.

I should have been the one to fill your dark soul with liiiight!

But as long as there are people, there will always be war.

I will stay behind, to gaze at the sun. The sun is a wondrous body. Like a magnificent father! If only I could be so grossly incandescent!

Now we can fight as warriors, hand to hand. It is the basis of all combat
Only a fool trusts his life to a weapon

Puny creatures of blood and flesh. You touch my mind, fumbling in ignorance, incapable of understanding

You reap what you sow, Artyom: force answers force, war breeds war, and death only brings death. To break this vicious circle one must do more than act without any thought or doubt.

Cortana: What if you miss?
Master Chief: I won't.

Cortana: So have you got a plan to get out?
Master Chief: I was gonna shoot my way out. Mix things up a little.

Ahh you think you're different? That you can handle it? Yes, I remember that feeling. For I was the same.