Ladies and gentlemen! This is your moment! Please don't make me ruin all the great work your plastic surgeons have been doing!

Simeon: You tell me exactly what you want, and I will very carefully explain to you why it cannot be.
Franklin: What?

Why did I move here? I guess it was the weather. Or the... Ah, I don't know, that thing. That magic. You see it in the movies. I wanted to retire. From what I was doing, you know? From that, that... line of work. Be a good guy for once, a family man. So, I bought a big house. Came here, put my feet up, and thought I'd be a dad like all the other dads. My kids, would be like the kids on TV, we play ball and sit in the sun... But well, you know how it is.

Jimmy: Hey, let's bounce.
Michael: Bounce? We're bouncing now? Is that what we're doing? Jesus fucking Christ.

You forget a thousand things every day, pal. Make sure this is one of 'em.

You tell me what you want and I'll explain to you very carefully why it cannot be.

I'll be there later to sign the contracts. Just ignore the bodies…

We're fixing the problems that we made, together, which is why it's only fair that you pay for the problems, together.

Bring me my coffee or I'm gonna cut your arm off!

I used to be a millionaire, you know. Owned the Atlas corp. Lost it all!

I was programmed to be helpful and answer any questions I was asked. I guess nobody bothered to restrict who I answer questions for.
That was probably pretty dumb, huh?

You are approached by a frenzied Vault scientist, who yells, "I'm going to put my quantum harmonizer in your photonic resonation chamber!"

Niko, let's go bowling.

War.. war never changes.

How about I read you a story? Once upon a time there were three little pigs. I'm emphasising the past tense because they all died. Just like you will. I really like the story.

Communism is the very definition of failure.

Death is a preferable alternative to communism.

Democracy is non-negotiable.

I've got some advice about getting covered in the propulsion gel.... do not get covered in the propulsion gel.

All these science spheres are made of asbestos by the way, keeps out the rats. Let us know if you feel a shortness of breathe, a persistent dry cough or your heart stopping, because that's not part of the test. That's asbestos.

Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.

The police are asking citizens to be alert and mistrustful of anyone who doesn't look like them.

Chinese people – who wants to get killed in our movie?

That girl is beat up from the feet up.

It was crazy as hell. He must've been tweaking. I know I am. You got a washing machine I could take apart?